Tuesday, October 18, 2011

I love this part, but I have to cut it

Today was the first day of My Novel and Me time. I finished re-writing the first scene and hit 1000 words.

Unfortunately, a lot of that will need to be cut or edited, due to awkward wording, lack of description, or just the fact that it doesn't fit. Such as this:

An hour later, she finally pulled into her driveway, but she wasn’t alone. A round-faced, balding man was climbing out of the car in front of her.
            “Good afternoon, Aaron,” Paula said, sauntering towards him. She joined him on the front steps and handed him one of the shopping bags she was carrying. “Be a gentleman and help me with this?”
            Aaron sneered, but took the bag. “Good afternoon, Miss Jumiere.”
            “Are you here to see Nathaniel?” Paula asked, twirling her keychain in her fingers. “You have poor timing. He has a reading session with Olivia and would hate to be—”
            Aaron crossed his arms. “Do not delay me. This is urgent.”
            “Urgent? A warlock, then?” Paula grinned. “Don’t you already have enough hunting plaques lining your wall?”
            “You’re amusing, Miss Jumiere. Now please unlock the door.”
            Paula tilted her head to the side. “I’m curious, Aaron. Do Takiran women find your collection attractive?”
            She could almost see the pulsing vein in his head as he reached for the doorbell.
            “Tell me. Do you stuff the heads yourself, or do you prefer to hire a taxidermist? Because you know what King Sanrik said about getting other people to—”
            She could hear the faint echo of the doorbell inside the house. The door opened and Nathaniel nodded to both of them.

I love the snark, and especially the warlock-heads-on-a-plaque part, but the topic of human taxidermy is kind of morbid, and to present Paula with a morbid sense of humor on the first page would be a serious misrepresentation of her character. Also, it almost sounds like Paula is flirting with Aaron, and considering that there is at least a twenty-year age gap between the two of them, this is certainly not what I'm going for.

Are there any lines from your writing that you absolutely love, but had to cut for various reasons?

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